oh vandy

So I’m officially done with my time here in New York and I realized that I haven’t written anything anywhere about my summer here. No pictures, no writings, nothing except memories. Wonderful memories, even the bad ones.

Impressions of New York
1. I hate when guys say lude things to you (including, “hey gorgeous” or “you’re beautiful” etc) even when they’re not lude, per say (sp?). They’re lude because I believe any decent, educated man would never ever “holla” at a girl in the middle of the road. At least all the men that I respect, know, and would date don’t. For me, it’s more of an insult if they do comment because clearly the guys who do say these things are lude themselves and therefore, it’s almost kind of slutty of a girl to get comments. Like, what kind of girl do you need to be to get such attention? Wear short skirts? Expose your breasts? There’s no standard and I just feel downgraded when I hear these things.

2. It’s beautiful. The endless array of tall buildings, the structured nature of the city’s streets, the neon lights in Times Square, something about it all is very aesthetically pleasing to me, somehow. Sometimes, I like to just walk the streets of New York. Just see all those little shops, all these differently dressed people, all the eclecticism is so unique, I just walk in awe.

3. You can wear whatever the damn you want to wear and I love it. Even if it looks shitty, there’s always somebody else on the street that probably looks just as shitty or worse. Even if it’s so dressed up, you’d wear it to a wedding, there’s always soembody else on the street dressed just as nicely or better. If makes me feel confident when I can get dressed in the morning and feel good about what I wear, instead of feeling self conscious that I might be too dressy for the occassion.

4. The partying starts late and ends later. Going out at 1pm? In any other city, it’d be close to time to go home, but in New York, it’s still prime time pre-gaming. 6am time to be passed out? Hell no, in New York, it’s time to go to K-town or elsewhere to get drunken food. Maybe it was just me and the kids I hung out with, but just having the option of going pretty much anywhere you want at any time you want is fabulous.

5. There’s no “alone time,” especially if you have a roommate. There’s no place to go when all you want to do is sit in your own room and cry, or be by yourself, or pig out with a gallon of ice cream. No bathroom is ever completely empty, no streets are safe enough to stroll along alone at 1am, and sometimes, it feels as if I would trade my life just to have a corner of space and time to myself.

Am I a different person?
I feel as if I were kind of a different person here in New York. Not completely different (eg: my values, the way I think, and other fundamental qualities of myself), but I feel different. Like I can do more, like I have more options, like I am more alive for some reason. Maybe it’s because the people I hung out with let me set my inhibitions loose. Maybe it’s because I met so many new people that I was never type-set into a category and could express myself however I wished. Maybe it’s because I wanted something completely different here. I’m not sure, but either way, it’s been fabulous.

Conclusions?
In another world and another time, I think I could have been a banker. Maybe not a banker (not quite smart enough, I believe, personally), but something more corporate in any case, something not a doctor. I can see myself living in the city and loving it. Sometimes I think I would like to do that for a year or two and just be a struggling young person without a set career path, but yet not without ambitions. This summer has been full of situational “what if’s” but at the end of the day, that’s not the world I live in.

I live in a place where my med school apps need to be handed in asap and where I need to finish my essay asap. A place where beautiful sundresses and pumps (but not together) are not every day wear and a place where (thankfully) I can walk the streets without getting attention from any male person. A safe place where my life has been planned out for me and all I need to do is connect the dots. A world where I always thought my life would be perfect. Now I wonder though, what would have happened if I had given myself more options?

…with a cartoon.

oooooh Hitsugaya Toushiro. i adoooore you. i’m also a pedophile. i’m just going to ignore the fact that he’s like, 10 years old. i’ll post a pic when i stumble upon one that’s worthy.

[edit]

holy crap, there’s a wikapedia entry on him! it’s insane how much anime / manga information they have on that webste…

I am so totally officially addicted. I finished all of Prince of Tennis, Sailor Moon, and Card Capture Sakura in 1 day each. I will now procede to read the manga for all of my favorite anime series and then go on to newer and better manga!!

I am sooooo excited. and such a dork.

So basically, this was a pretty depressing / sad / bad / don’t want to remember kind of year. Well, okay so it wasn’t terrible, but I mean, this is really as bad as it gets.

Some highlights because the year wasn’t the i-wish-i-could-do-that-all-over-again kind of year:

- Heritage Month. It was really spectacular. I learned so much through preparing and running the programs I planned. I’m very grateful for the opportunity that my peers and Vanderbilt gave me to be a student leader. AASA’s like my little baby. Next year’s gonna be even better though, so be prepared people!
- Turning 21. Definately a major highlight. Getting that expensive / awesome / I-use-it-every-day-bag (whose brand name I STILL do not know…though I totally should know) from my friends. Getting all those facebook messages and a couple of awesome presents from overseas. It was more than I ever thought a 21st birthday could be.
- Developing new friends / strengthening old ones. I feel like I’ve gotten much closer to some people this year and I thank them for their support through all my rough moments. I also feel like I’ve branched out more this year, compared to last year (well I guess anything would be “branching out” compared to last year haha), so I’ve made new friendships too. I know next year’s gonna be great when we’re all going to be able to live together.

But with all that said, I don’t really look back on junior year with a smile. I look at it with this huge, black, loooooming cloud named MCAT. It also doesn’t help that I have been working my ass off pretty consistently since July (summer in Nanjing -> direct to Nashville). I feel so tired. Physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally tired, everything tired; I just feel so drained of life. I just want to sit on the cough and be a vegetable. I can’t imagine unpacking my stuff when I get home. It all seems like so much work. I’m so relieved I’m finally leaving Morgan. The place is like a little prison to me, somehow. Maybe because as the year wore on, it grew to be a lonely place, only sprinkled sometimes with the excitment of a roommate home.

That’s it for me and reflecting on this past year. It’s over and there’s nothing I can do about it now. This summer and next year are going to be infinately better; it’s going to be like my “year off.” Although it’s not going to be easy by any means, I’m only taking 1 science course the entire year and I’m taking an interdisciplinary mix of courses that I’m very very excited about. I feel like I can smell the suma cume lade (sp?) graduation honor from here. I’m also excited about our Towers suite and all the fun we’re going to have as college girls. I can finally act like any typical Vandy senior / student and not be bogged down with the whole premed thing (well, “not bogged down” relatively speaking) and finally go out and party and make out with random hot guys.

I’m such a future-looking gal, it’s terrible. I’ll always imagine the future as this bright place that I’m working towards but it’s so hard for me to be happy in the present or thinking about the past. It’s like I’m always chasing after the elusive perfect future that I’ll never fully appreciate when I “get” there. Oh well, for now, sitting my ass down and doing nothing sounds like heaven to me.